(Scenes from a Hat) A bald man going to the barber's for a haircut: Tony: "You must be joking Mr. Anderson! There isn't a thing I can do for you."
(Party Quirks) Rory Bremner has come as Tony Tony: "Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Let me just say, I'm not playing anymore."
(Courtroom Scene) Case of the stolen chicken Tony: "I was inserting my head in this badger. I'm afraid I wouldn't be a terribly useful witness, as I saw nothing."
(Emotion Options) Emotion is 'Pity' and Josie Lawrence told Tony he's pathetic Tony: "That's not pity, that's insult! Pity me, for I have just eaten my underwear."
(Party Quirks) Just before the start of the game Tony: "Hello? Is this Clive Anderson Ties Limited? Yes? I think you should shut down. Bye!"
(Party Quirks) Again, just before starting Tony: "I'm just putting my extra heavy-duty sunglasses on in case Clive shows up without a hat."(Clive says that will cost Tony points.)
(Props) Tony and Steve Steen have a black circular object Tony: "No, Jeremy Beadle! Jump! (Whips the "trampoline"away) Pfffttt!!!! Ha!!"
(Picture) Tony and Caroline Quentin as two people on their honeymoon Tony: "Don't go on about my size. You look like two aspirins on an ironing board."
(Party Quirks) Ryan Stiles has come to ride Tony's camel Tony: "What's he DOING?!!"
(Party Quirks) Right after a very hard round and Clive tells him it's the worse game of Party Quirks he's ever played Tony: "Oh, well! Fuck off!!!"
(World's Worst) Worst person to sit next to during an exam Tony: "STOP LOOKING AT MY PAPER!!!!!!!!"
(World's Worst) Worst thing to see as you flip through the channels Tony: "Welcome back. It's Round 3 of 'Siliva Darts.' (Hocks up one, and aims it in Clive's direction.)"
(Party Quirks) Clive asks if the party is underway Tony: "I want to be like Clive."
(World's Worst) Worst person to audition for 'Hamlet' Tony: "Tobe or not tobe."
(Old Job, New Job) Tony and Colin Mochrie are two children in kindergarten, Ryan is a teacher who used to be a cowboy Tony (to Colin): "If you're five years old, why you losing your hair?"
(Party Quirks) Stephen Frost has come as some one who mentions a part of the body in every sentence Tony: "Oh.....what the HELL are you?!!"
(Party Quirks) After some very odd guests show up Tony: "Oh, why do I invite these people?"
(Film and Theater Styles) Tony and Sandi Toksvig are shipwrecked and discussing orgasms (style is A Yellow Pages Advert) "Let's look under 'M' for 'Multiple,' shall we, Sandi?" To which Sandi replies, "Seeing as it's you, let's look under 'R' for 'Realistic.'"
(Courtroom Scene) A Crime of Passion with Stephen Frost as the prosecutor (Tony is the first witness, and he enters wearing a pilot's hat and goggles) Stephen: "State your name and occupation." Tony replies, "My name is Princess Margaret." Stephen: "And what is it you do?" Tony: "I'm very soon in line for the throne." Stephen has no further questions for this witness
(Helping Hands) Ryan (with Colin's hands) is teaching Tony about wine tasting Ryan: "Here's some nice red wine for you, my friend..." Tony: "That's white, you blind twit!"
(Helping Hands) Same game, same scene Tony: "I hear there is a marvelous trick you do which is putting a whole brie in your mouth." Ryan: "Yes, this is true. The trick to brie, my friend..." Tony: "Yes, hurry up!" Ryan: "...is to pretend it is something else."
(Hoedown) The 'Being Stood-up' Hoedown Tony: "I waited in the restaurant, I waited just all night, I drank so much whiskey, I began to get quite tight. Then no one turned up in the end, and then I though, oh no! And then I kissed a labordor, and then I..........(He busts out laughing and can't finish)"
(Press Conference) Tony is the First Man to make love in space, but he's taking a while guessing, so Clive is ready to end the game Clive: "Last question....no, last guess, I should think." Tony: "No! Last question! It's my bloody press conference, so shut it!"
(Scene to Music) Stephen is sending his son, Tony, out to get some cleaning powder Stephen:"...and there, the powder will speak to you." Tony: "But will it wash away my sins as well as my underpants?" Stephen: "I KNOW NOT, FOR I AM A HUMBLE MAN...!!!" Tony: "You've turned into Richard Burton! Why?" Stephen sends Tony out for powder Tony: "I will return, and if I don't, you won't see me."
(Party Quirks) Just before the start where Clive is teasing Tony Clive: "In this game Tony has to guess what the others are doing. If he gets it right, he'll win a lot of points. If he doesn't, it'll be like most weeks. So is the party underway?" Tony is looking directly at Clive Clive: "You know I'm only speaking the truth, Tony." Tony: "You're gonna get such a smack...oh, by the way, the party is ready, you grumpy old sod."
(News Report) Greg, Ryan, Tony, and Mike doing a news report on Adam and Eve Tony: "Adam and Eve made the scene because of a BEEEEEEG love snake!"
(Props) Jim Sweeny and Tony have this white fuzzy thing, which Jim holds up to his face like a beard Tony: "I'm going to murder you simply because you're Father Smurf."
(Film and Theater Styles) Greg is a stewardess and Tony is a passanger on a plane (Style is Horror) Tony: "It's the stewardess from Hell!"
(Props) No real dialogue, but Rory and Tony have two dusters which they stick between their legs with their backsides to the camera, and imitate two rabbits running away Both: "La la la la la la la!"
(World's Worst) Worst person to take confession Tony: "That is a grave sin, my son, for which the punishment is this: You have to sit in the audience of Kilroy."
(Party Quirks) Mike is a person in love with cameras, Tony doesn't get it Tony: "Are you Lionel Blair?" Ryan is animals crossing the road, when he acts like a snake...Tony: "It IS Lionel Blair!"
(World's Worst) Worst entertainment act Tony: "Great moments in history: Number 1...the parting of the Red Sea..(pulls down his zipper)" A rather shocked Josie: "Oh! Tony!" Clive: "Stop it! Stop it!" Tony and Mike:: "No!"
(World's Worst) Worst person to captain a submarine Tony: "Don't worry, everybody (starts singing) 'cause we're in the long big metal pointy thing, we're going down the river..."
(Party Quirks) Mike has come as one of Hell's Angels and hits on Josie who has come as Little Red Riding Hood Tony (to Mike): "You're Julie Andrews!" (Clive counts his guess as right!)
(Party Quirks) Yet another pre-party banter with Clive Tony: "I've never been to a 'Come as Clive Anderson Party!'" He walks around with his head to his shoulders Clive: "Well, that drastically reduces your chances of winning tonight."
(Scenes from a Hat) The scene is "message in a bottle" Tony: "Sting's crap!" (Clive agrees with Tony, and says so.)
(I don't quite remember what scene this was., but Tony was making fun of Josie's weight, and she grabbed his hands, twirls him around and said, "I'm gonna fucking kill you" under her breath.
-Paul Merton is the host of 'Party Quirks,' and Tony has come as a Chippendale. (Very amusing scene!) Paul says after a few moments of watching Tony pose as a chippendale, "You've come as Tony Slattery!" Clive says it is close enough, and counts Paul's guess as being correct!
-After the end of one episode, Clive announces that the joint winners are Greg Proops, Colin Mochrie, and Ryan Stiles, and the style they must read the credits in is in the form of Tony Slattery.
-During the 'Sex' Hoedown, Greg sings, "Oh, I'm a randy bugger, I really get around. I like to have a shag with everyone in town. I have lots of fun, I'm as happy as can be, and that's 'cause my name is Tony Slattery!"
-During 'Helping Hands,' Mike McShane is a passanger on a plane, and Josie Lawrence (with Tony providing the hands for her) is the friendly stewardess. At one point, she gets something in her eye, and when Tony's hand goes near her face, she bites his finger. He then retalliates by fondling her breasts, and Clive decides to end the game there.
-Right before a round of 'Bartender,' Clive asks the audience what Ryan is drinking to forget, and someone shouts out "Tony Slattery!" Clive says, "He's drinking to forget Tony Slattery...an unlikely proposition!" (Clive settles for Ryan drinking to forget his wardrobe.)
-One of the 'Scenes From a Hat' read: OLYMPIC SPORTS WE'D LIKE TO SEE---------Steve Steen goes toward Tony and humps his right leg. Clive remarks, "Yes, I do belive 'Humping the Tony' is an Olympic sport." Mike McShane then adds, "You should see the 'Synchronized Humping the Tony!'"